Something I learned later in life was how much beauty impacts one's life, my life, the life of other's that I observe. It's not everything, but it's huge. And even though things like charm, charisma, vivacity all are equally important, the amount that you develop those qualities is often dependent on your physical beauty.
The first time that I noticed the difference was working downtown. I returned to working in downtown Los Angeles after some years, and commented on how rude men had become, rushing in front of me not to get the door but to let it slam in my face, pushing me aside at the elevator, cutting in front of me at the top of the escalator. I attributed it to the effects of feminism.
Then I lost 30 pounds in two months and bought a cute new wardrobe.
Suddenly, men were rushing ahead of me to open the door for me, and eagerly waiting for just a smile and nod from me. A man rushed to get a closing elevator door, irritated about ten people already on the elevator, and was so busy watching for my smile that he didn't even notice all the irritated people already on the elevator. It was almost embarrassing.
The down side was that the harassment started up again also. Walking along the street at lunch, minding my own business, a seemingly nice man in a suit would walk up close and say "nice tits" as if I wanted him to evaluate my body.
And then again, years later and after an injury I gained forty pounds in two months, and learned the other side again. It's disappointing. But it's real.
Gradually, as I struggled at work, I realized that there was a possibility that some parts of my earlier life had been smoothed over by my youthful fitness and beauty.
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